Being a Stay-At-Home-Mommy....Pros and Cons

First off, I cannot BELIEVE that it's been 8 months since my last post.  That's rather slapstick of me!  Secondly, I have come to learn that there are both pros and cons to being a stay-at-home-mommy (SAHM).  Today I'm definitely experiencing a 'con-day'.

I've looooooved being able to see my little girl grow and develop and play with her as I please.  But let's be honest, I also love not having to get up at 05h30 in the morning, having leisurely breakfasts, coming and going as I please and planning trips away from home on any given moment without too much thought having to go into how it would disrupt my schedule.  Linmari is really becoming quite a little girl, playing with her dolls, caring for them and trying to baby-wear them whenever possible.  She enjoys messy play (even though I understand the importance thereof from an OT point of view, I REALLY dislike messy play because I don't like having to clean up the mess afterwards) and lots of painting.  Drawing and playing with play dough also provides hours of fun for her. This little girl is also quite a help when it gets to anything in the baking and cooking department.  She'll happily mix ANYTHING and last night was very eager to help and grate the carrots (although I had to be careful that she wouldn't grate her own little fingers).  She wants to help but on her own terms.  Her speech has also developed quite a bit and it's amazing to hear how her sentences improve from day to day.  Plus, she's VERY good at remembering anything, so I use her as my little reminder app ;-) And she has become quite a pro at building yachts with her animal Duplo set :-) She is silly and fun and loves to copy Mommy. And the hugs I get ever so often is worth more than bags and bags full of money!

However, there are days like today, where I am just struggling to cope with this role of SAHM.  This morning I was thinking about what it would look like if I was to write down what I do during the day and how it contributes to my own mental health.  I had a melt-down again today because I realise that SAH-moms need support.  They need other moms that are in the same situation than them, who can really understand them and where their kids can just play with each other whilst the mommies unwind for a bit.  I have exactly ONE friend that's a SAHM and she lives some distance from me.  So even though we try to meet up regularly, it still is quite a schlep to meet up on a whim.  I am missing my adult-interaction and get upset when my husband gets home late from work because he's basically my only adult conversation for the day.  And yes, there are days like today, where potty training gets REALLY old and frustrating!  Even though I have plenty of good days, by five in the afternoon I just want to see an ADULT.  I still have interests and I read up on and actually get to do some of those whenever there is time (like her nap-times).  And at least I have a freelance job that I can do on the sideline (but it's all email-based, so no real interaction there).  I have tried to find moms and tots support groups but you mostly have to pay for them (I think one can just rotate each week to another person's house and let them host or everyone just comes with snacks and kids and play a bit).  And since we're on a really tight budget (yes, self-inflicted because I chose to stay at home rather than work), that is not first priority.

Basically, I just had to get this off of my chest.  Even though I love being a SAHM on most days, today wasn't one of them.  I am forever grateful that it's weekend and that we get to have some family time.  Heck, I'm seriously looking forward to the kiddies party we're attending tomorrow!!!  ADULTS!!!!  And now I realise how lonely it must have been for all the SAHM before me and those that are still to follow.  It's not that I feel like lesser of a person because I am staying at home, it's rather that I just still need an outlet where I can be among adults whilst having my little girl with me.

The truth about being a Stay-At-Home-Mom

When Linmari was only 3 weeks old, I decided that I want to be a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM).  It's a heart desire which did not disappear as time went by.  It actually grew stronger and stronger, to the point that my husband wrote my resignation letter and told me I had better go and resign.

I felt guilty, having to balance my career and motherhood.  I felt overwhelmed by my situation - get to work and feeling like I'm not able to completely focus because Linmari is always at the back of my mind.  Get home and not being able to pay 100% to Linmari because I have work that still has to be completed.  Plus, the housework was getting to me...  I just could not give my 100% to anything any longer.

I've now been a full-time SAHM for the past week (well, since Tuesday, really, since I was helping out at a friend's practice on Monday afternoon).  And I can now really tell you, this is NOT easy.  Am I regretting the fact that I quit my job?  NO!  It's one less thing to stress about in my life.  Am I still overwhelmed?  YES!  The amount of sorting out and cleaning my tiny house requires is insane.  I used to do the necessary to make sure it was livable.  To ensure I didn't completely lose the plot.  But now that I'm here 24/7, it seems like there is just SO.MUCH to sort out!  As for Linmari?  I love my child, I do.  It just seems that she chose this week to have a go at poor eating habits and even worse sleeping habits (read: NO SLEEP).  If I walk away from where she's sleeping, she wakes up within 10 seconds.  So I can't even do my housework whilst she's asleep.

Okay, it sounds like I'm moaning (and to certain degree, I am) but I'm actually VERY grateful that I can spend all this time with my daughter.  She does cute and funny little things which delights me - like figuring out how to open her own sand pit and then saying "oooohhhhh" with this gorgeous little over-emphasized rounded mouth.  SOOO cute!  Yes, she enjoys doing weird things (like eating soap whilst I'm hand washing her clothes) but she also makes me laugh (when she uses ANYTHING as a 'cellphone', holding it against her ear).  I'm also finding it very difficult to just play with Linmari.  I'm VERY sorry to all the parents I've told over the past 6 years that I've practiced as an Occupational Therapist that they should just 'play with their children'.  Turns out it's not as easy as 'just playing' with my child.  I have a daily programme to follow (I bought it out of desperation and because I can't think about activities for every single day) because I'm scared that I won't stimulate this child enough and our day does not necessarily always allow me to follow the programme as stipulated (I'm a stickler for rules...imagine how this makes me feel).  I NOW feel guilty that I'm not constantly stimulating her, like she'll lag behind because of me having to quickly do the dishes, make dinner, clean-up the lounge or do a load of washing.

So, dear friends, be warned.  By the end of a day I am drained.  I just want some 'me-time'.  I want to just sort out a bit of my kitchen without having to give my full attention to Linmari 100% of the time.  That's why I also look forward to my husband coming home.  It's a break for both Linmari and myself from each other.

And please don't think that being a SAHM is like being on holiday the whole time.  Far from it.  (Someone said that to me this week...Really?!?!)  I do not have a domestic worker whom I can delegate the housework to.  Plus, I would feel guilty, since our house really is not all that big.  But I wish I was less fussy about stains on clothing (then I wouldn't be hand washing all Linmari's clothing, followed by machine washing it!), to name but one pet peeve in my life.

As I'm typing this, I'm sitting next to Linmari on the bed because dare I move, she'll surely wake up.  So, I was moping about my situation when I suddenly realised, hey, I can write a blog post about this!  Writing always makes me feel better.  My dad says it's because it is a way to purge your thoughts and feelings.  It's more for my sake than for others' that I'm writing this post.  And then I also thought about the fact that I get to see my child grow up.  Now I just have to learn to be more present in spirit instead of only in body.  This is my chance to make a difference in my child's life.  I better use it while it's mine for the taking!

To top off this crazy long-winded post, here are a few pictures from our photo shoot on Sunday (to celebrate Thinus and Linmari's birthdays).