My father and mother still carries heavily on this burden called my brother's death. But more and more I've seen my father really suffer from sadness, which really is normal and to be expected, and I feel that my hands are so chopped off.
I have this awful habit of telling people that I can't help them, or don't know what to do to make their situation better when I feel overwhelmed by their situation. This is one of those situations. And I had to catch myself before saying that to my dad, because how would that really make his day any better?
Sooooo, thinking this over, I realised that my best response to his sadness is not in my words (or lack thereof), but rather in my actions. A hug, holding his hand, and if I feel the over-powering need to say something, to just say I'm sorry that he is sad. Because the truth of the matter is, this is a loss a parent NEVER gets over - EVER.
If I think how much I still grieve my lost baby, even though I never got to hold him/her, how much worse is my father's pain. He who held this son, played with him, saw him grow up, become a man, get married, and accomplish so much in his short life time. Surely, that pain is so much more intense, the memories ever-present.
Yes, I struggle with my brother's death, but at times life is normal, and I can get on with it. But then again, I don't have to live in the house where my brother was born into, grew up in, never left, and was burried out of. I don't have to constantly be reminded of him at every corner I turn, or every detail I see in the house. This is what my father has to deal with, every day of his life.
It saddens me to see my dad like this, but really, I can only hug him. That's all I have...and that's all I should give.
How do YOU help someone when they are in pain / emotional turmoil / overwhelmed?
May the grace of GOD surround you every day of your life!