First off, I cannot BELIEVE that it's been 8 months since my last post. That's rather slapstick of me! Secondly, I have come to learn that there are both pros and cons to being a stay-at-home-mommy (SAHM). Today I'm definitely experiencing a 'con-day'.
I've looooooved being able to see my little girl grow and develop and play with her as I please. But let's be honest, I also love not having to get up at 05h30 in the morning, having leisurely breakfasts, coming and going as I please and planning trips away from home on any given moment without too much thought having to go into how it would disrupt my schedule. Linmari is really becoming quite a little girl, playing with her dolls, caring for them and trying to baby-wear them whenever possible. She enjoys messy play (even though I understand the importance thereof from an OT point of view, I REALLY dislike messy play because I don't like having to clean up the mess afterwards) and lots of painting. Drawing and playing with play dough also provides hours of fun for her. This little girl is also quite a help when it gets to anything in the baking and cooking department. She'll happily mix ANYTHING and last night was very eager to help and grate the carrots (although I had to be careful that she wouldn't grate her own little fingers). She wants to help but on her own terms. Her speech has also developed quite a bit and it's amazing to hear how her sentences improve from day to day. Plus, she's VERY good at remembering anything, so I use her as my little reminder app ;-) And she has become quite a pro at building yachts with her animal Duplo set :-) She is silly and fun and loves to copy Mommy. And the hugs I get ever so often is worth more than bags and bags full of money!
However, there are days like today, where I am just struggling to cope with this role of SAHM. This morning I was thinking about what it would look like if I was to write down what I do during the day and how it contributes to my own mental health. I had a melt-down again today because I realise that SAH-moms need support. They need other moms that are in the same situation than them, who can really understand them and where their kids can just play with each other whilst the mommies unwind for a bit. I have exactly ONE friend that's a SAHM and she lives some distance from me. So even though we try to meet up regularly, it still is quite a schlep to meet up on a whim. I am missing my adult-interaction and get upset when my husband gets home late from work because he's basically my only adult conversation for the day. And yes, there are days like today, where potty training gets REALLY old and frustrating! Even though I have plenty of good days, by five in the afternoon I just want to see an ADULT. I still have interests and I read up on and actually get to do some of those whenever there is time (like her nap-times). And at least I have a freelance job that I can do on the sideline (but it's all email-based, so no real interaction there). I have tried to find moms and tots support groups but you mostly have to pay for them (I think one can just rotate each week to another person's house and let them host or everyone just comes with snacks and kids and play a bit). And since we're on a really tight budget (yes, self-inflicted because I chose to stay at home rather than work), that is not first priority.
Basically, I just had to get this off of my chest. Even though I love being a SAHM on most days, today wasn't one of them. I am forever grateful that it's weekend and that we get to have some family time. Heck, I'm seriously looking forward to the kiddies party we're attending tomorrow!!! ADULTS!!!! And now I realise how lonely it must have been for all the SAHM before me and those that are still to follow. It's not that I feel like lesser of a person because I am staying at home, it's rather that I just still need an outlet where I can be among adults whilst having my little girl with me.